Schrodinger’s Russia Paradox

By Jordan Schachtel - February 27, 2023 at 09:49AM

The people who run D.C. are quick to inform us that Vladimir Putin is an all powerful dictator. He is the second coming of Hitler, they say, adding that “Putler” has plans to march through Europe and exterminate any resistance to his path across the continent.

The Blob also informs us, using their incredible strategic wisdom, that Russia is a weak paper tiger, and the humble army of Ukraine is well-positioned to defeat the clumsy Russian bear, pending a couple more fancy toys from Boeing, Raytheon, Lockheed and friends.

Let’s be clear about what’s at stake. If you don’t want to support #Ukraine, you will soon be sending #American troops to fight in #Poland. If you don’t want to honor #NATO obligations to fight in Poland, you will see #Russian ships and planes just off our coasts.

— Gordon G. Chang (@GordonGChang) February 25, 2023

Despite Putin’s 80-plus percent approval rating in Russia, our legislators and thinkers have determined that he must be defeated at all costs, even by means of a foreign liquidation event. Russia only has a mere 6,000 nuclear warheads, and there are plenty in the Kremlin who would take a much more aggressive anti-West stance than Putin. What could possibly go wrong, anyway?

Failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton repeatedly calls for regime change in Russia, demanding that those closest to Putin forcibly remove him—as if he were some kind of unelected dictator. Completely unhinged. pic.twitter.com/TifN7M9sgM

— Ian Miles Cheong (@stillgray) February 26, 2023

Russia is both so powerful that their ships will be “off our coasts” in no time. And at the same time, Ukraine should be able to defeat the Russian military with an extra push or two. As Bush 43 once said, “We will fight them over there so we do not have to face them in the United States of America.” Just support Zelenskyyyyyyy and he will show those Russians who’s boss!

The U.S. must give Kyiv the weapons it needs right now: ex-envoy to Moscow https://t.co/vHTUTRxrez

— Michael McFaul (@McFaul) February 26, 2023

Our D.C. Uniparty narrative conveniently excuses away any potential role that they played in helping to spawn this fiasco. It’s very important that you accept their claim that this is an “unprovoked war” and our ruling class totally didn't launch a coup in 2014 against the legitimate government in Ukraine. That’s conspiratorial crazy talk. Probably best to just ban it. The idea that the people in charge of our country would want to bait Russia into the conflict by arming up a series of fascist militias on their border is unfounded, so don’t watch any doctored videos that show otherwise.

The Beltway class wanted to launch the Russia-Ukraine war in 2016, but then Trump got elected and it screwed up their plans. pic.twitter.com/gDgXFACRQr

— Jordan Schachtel (@JordanSchachtel) October 8, 2022

It might seem like none of their explanations make any sense whatsoever, but that’s why we are supposed to remain good plebeians, embrace Schrodinger’s Russia paradox, and support the war effort. You see, that’s what the Great Thinkers in D.C. are for. They do the complicated thinking, proceed to loot the American taxpayer, I mean, “invest” in Ukraine, to the tune of well over one hundred billion dollars, and accomplish the mission.

Obviously, it’s the height of patriotism to support Ukraine and dismantle our own military in the process. Disagree? That’s pretty transphobic of you, MAGAt traitor!

No no. Really, it’s simple, stupid.

Ukraine Man Good.

Russia Man Bad. 

Why are we supposed to hate Russians again, you ask? Well, because they are born to wage imperial conquest, or something. Remember Stalin? Remember the Cold War. Damn those Russians! Good thing our ruling elites are honorable front line freedom fighters, as proven by their ability to successfully free Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, and the whole continent of Africa. Today, liberty thrives in these places. Thank you, Science!

Remember, the hate is literally in their blood, and “there are no innocent Russians,” according to the totally non-xenophobic Russia Experts in Washington. Our fearless Russia Experts have an excellent track record. Let me remind you of their greatness by pointing out that they used their unparalleled expertise to determine the phony Hunter Biden laptop story as Russian disinformation. They also frequently remind us that Russia “hacked the 2016 election” by spending 12 dollars on Facebook ads.

Is everyone else in the media just going to pretend this giant lie didn’t happen?

In their letter, they admitted they didn’t have evidence to say the laptop was “disinformation” but they said it anyway,

It gave media the excuse to ignore the story.https://t.co/ftFatWgTJm pic.twitter.com/GE61zZPrfz

— Tim Murtaugh (@TimMurtaugh) March 19, 2022

If all else fails, just make sure to hate Russia by default. They hack us. They’re probably hacking you right now! Slava Ukraine! A real American understands the importance of raising the Rainbow Flag over Crimea, and showing Putin that the people in charge here are a force to be reckoned with!

Back to serious mode to conclude this.

Before committing to all of the noise coming out of the Ukraine-Russia conflict, it’s worth taking a few moments to check the premises of the people in charge. Schrodinger’s Russia paradox shows us that their carefully crafted chronicles fall apart under even the lightest touch of scrutiny.

Reprinted with permission from The Dossier.
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